Finding and Using Our Voices
After several failed attempts to complete a post, I allowed myself to be silent for a while. Out of that silence came a poem and the idea for this post. My father, Arthur Shigeru Mayeno, found his voice when he wrote about being incarcerated by the US government during World War II. His entire family and community were imprisoned for three years, without regard for the Constitution. Their only “crime” was their Japanese ancestry. For 953 nights, between the ages of 15 and 18, he listened intently to the radio from his family’s...
read morePracticing Accountability with Love
What do we do when we find our boundaries violated? How do we respond when someone makes a transphobic or racist comment? What can we do when we think we have done or said something to harm another? All of these situations, and many more, are calls for accountability. We desperately need accountability. We need healthy ways to account or answer for our actions (or inactions). Without accountability, past and present harms go unchecked, resentments build, and relationships are damaged. With accountability, we can work on repairing harm, make...
read moreResisting Hurtful Messages with Counternarratives
We get messages from all around us in many different forms – from words, behaviors, images, books, television and more. Negative messages can leave us feeling that we don’t belong, we’re not enough, we’re too much, we’re unlovable, or we’re undeserving. This post provides some tips for resisting and countering those messages. Read on for ways to support young people, adults, or for your own self-care. When my child was growing up, they were teased a lot and I worried that he would feel terrible about themself. Years later, I...
read moreHalloween: A perfect time to challenge stereotypes
“What will I be for Halloween?” is on the minds of many children this month. Halloween can be a time when anything is possible, but these possibilities can also be snatched away by pressure to fit gender stereotypes. Here are some reactions I’ve gotten from kids after reading the book I wrote about a child named Danny who wants to dress up as a princess: “Why would a boy want to wear a dress?”, or “Don’t you mean a prince?” “I dressed up as Darth Vader, but some kids said I...
read moreUsing Gender-Inclusive Language with Children & Families: 7 Tips
The Gendering of Language When you pay attention, it’s hard to miss the fact that gendered words are part and parcel of everyday language. For most of my life, I just took these habits for granted. But, raising a nonbinary child and learning from the LGBTQ+ community has made me more aware of how deeply ingrained gendered language is, and how harmful it can be. Most gendered words are binary; they make room for only two genders (girl/woman or boy/man). In Western society, and many other cultures, we are taught to make a snap judgment...
read moreWhat’s Gender Diversity Got to Do with My Nonprofit?
Published by Neon CRM on July 26, 2017, here. There’s a gender revolution going on. Young people are busting out of gender boxes and expressing who they are in many ways. Growing numbers of children, youth, and adults are identifying as transgender. Important progress has been made as the result of many years of struggle, and the work of many leaders and activists, both past and present. This includes growing awareness that gender isn’t either/or and growing support for gender diversity in many communities. Tragically, our society, our...
read moreA School District That’s Starting Gender Diversity Conversations Early
Published on Huffington Post here. It’s a Tuesday after school and 25 elementary school personnel are gathered at the Office of School Health of the San Francisco Unified School District (SFUSD). They are there to learn about gender diversity and how to bring this conversation into the elementary schools. The District is breaking new ground by giving educators tools and resources to make their classrooms, curriculum, and health services inclusive of children of all gender identities and expressions. In this workshop, participants receive...
read moreWhat I Wish I’d Known About Gender When I Became a Parent
Published in Huffington Post “You had a beautiful baby boy.” Those were the first words I heard after my child was born. I named them Daniel and started dressing them in clothes made for boys. But, raising a child is often full of the unexpected. It soon became obvious that Danny wasn’t a stereotypical boy. They loved Barbie dolls, dressing up in skirts and shimmery things, and preferred playing with girls. I didn’t know there were other children like Danny, and felt lost. Was there something wrong with them? Was I...
read moreDiversity, Equity, and Inclusion Work: Eight Questions for Building Readiness and Steering Clear of Pitfalls
Diversity, equity, and inclusion work can transform organizations and help them do their work more effectively. This work can be most successful when people are fully invested and have a good idea what is involved. Without this, organizations sometimes set themselves up for failure and bring consultants in with unrealistic expectations. If you are thinking of launching into work around diversity, equity, and inclusion, this post may help you think about how to set yourself up for success. The questions below may serve as a useful checklist for...
read moreUndoing Patterns of Privilege as We Learn
In my work with organizations around race, power and privilege, I’ve noticed a pattern. Sometimes we anticipate defensiveness on the part of white people in the group and plan our sessions to accommodate this defensiveness. I’ve begun correcting this pattern and setting goals more proactively. At the same time, I have become hyper aware that a primary reasons we’re doing this work is that people of color may feel unsafe, unsupported, and even silenced. I’ve been wondering how to make their needs a higher priority in the...
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